A Changing Dream: The End of the “Oxford Dreams” Campaign
After extensive reflection, thought, discussion, prayer, and contemplation, I have decided to complete my undergraduate studies here in the U.S. I still aspire to attend Oxford for graduate studies, but for a wide variety of reasons, I have come to the conclusion that it is my best interest NOT to attend Oxford for my bachelor degree.
Thank you so much to everyone who has lent their support to me over the past few months. This has been an incredible journey and it has been amazing to be supported by so many. If you have made a financial contribution to the campaign, you should have already received an email with information regarding the return of those contributions. If you have not, please contact me at garrettmclain@gmail.com
This decision has not been made lightly, and many of you have invested a great degree of your own personal energy, time, and money to this dream of mine. With this in mind, I would like to share with you all the reasons for which this decision has been made.
1. My personal and vocational goals and aspirations have grown and shifted
I began pursuing an undergraduate degree because I felt a calling towards ordination as a Unity minister, a vocation which requires an undergraduate degree prior to ministerial studies. While I still feel a pull towards ministry, my academic experience has inspired a broader life mission, one which entails graduate and post-graduate studies.
Without going into extensive detail, it is my belief that the philosophical foundations exist for a universal theory/philosophy of morality. While it is generally agreed that morality is not some relativistic concept – that there truly is such a thing as right and wrong actions – no one philosophy or guideline for understanding morality has yet been developed that applies universally. This has caused a general moral ambiguity to exist in government and society. The concepts of Human Rights and the moral component behind laws, justice, and governance are subject to massive interpretation (and misinterpretation) without a widely accepted and universally applicable philosophy of morality. The creation of such a philosophy could have a massive impact upon our world. The foundations now exist.
In the same way that scientists are generally searching for a Theory of Everything – a model of physics that accounts for the universe on both a macrocosmic and microcosmic level, it is my great academic ambition to develop a Theory of Morality – one that reconciles extant philosophies (and religiously based moral systems) into one cohesive whole which can account for everything. To do so requires a thorough education in all extant moral philosophies and related matters.
In short, this ambition calls me to continue with my academic program beyond the undergraduate level prior to pursuing ministry. While it is my belief that the undergraduate philosophy and theology program at Oxford would have the greatest educational benefit, this intent to continue my studies beyond the undergraduate level impacts many other concerns…especially financial:
- 2. It is financially in my best interest, both in the short and long terms, to complete my undergraduate studies in the U.S.
While the fundraising goal has been $134,000 my estimates place the actual full cost of attendance for an undergraduate degree at Oxford closer to $150,000. The full cost of attendance to complete my bachelor degree at FSU would be between $40,000 – $50,000 for an immediate savings of about $100,000. Yes, I believe that I could achieve a better education at Oxford, but I’m not sure that it would be worth that extra $100,000 – especially when the bulk of one’s education is in one’s own hands.
Moreover, the great challenge in affording Oxford has been a lack of potential scholarships. There is a very different picture for graduate studies at Oxford, with a number of potential scholarships covering the full cost of attendance, including living expenses. I would actually be ineligible for at least two of these scholarships, though, if I were to attend Oxford for my undergrad; they are designed for students who have completed their undergraduate education in the U.S.
This means that not only would I be saving $100,000 immediately by staying in the U.S., but could potentially save two or three times that amount by completing my degree domestically.
While I try not to let money rule my life, let’s face it: neither ministry nor philosophy are very lucrative, and if I can achieve the same goals without incurring several hundred thousand dollars of debt, well, that just makes more sense.
3. I have not received the response or funding opportunities I had hoped for
The financial concerns enumerated above would be of little import if I was in a situation in which I would not need to turn to loans and private borrowing of money.
When I made the decision to go for Oxford, it was in response to the question, “If I could go anywhere in the world, guaranteed acceptance and all expenses paid, where would I go?”
I’ve been accepted, but all expenses are not paid. I am incredibly thankful to all the individuals and churches who have thusfar lent their support, and I know that there are others still interested in assisting me financially. But overall, the response has been far less than I had hoped, especially from Unity churches.
After some initial correspondence with the board and leadership of Unity Worldwide Ministries, I ceased receiving any measure of reply. After sending letters to nearly 200 different Unity churches across the nation, I heard back from two.
I also didn’t immediately anticipate just how barren the scholarship and grant opportunities would be. I have spent hours upon hours searching through several thousand undergraduate scholarships. Prior to this, I had never realized that almost all undergraduate scholarships for U.S. citizens must be used for study at a U.S. institution.
I understand why many churches are not in a position to lend financial support right now, I understand why other organizations that might be vested in my future cannot financially support me, and I understand why so many scholarships have the eligibility restrictions that they have. I’m not bitter about it. But I have to face the reality that my acceptance to Oxford is not all expenses paid, and that has an impact on the decisions that I have to make moving forward.
The other factor along these lines, relates to faith. A large part of my thought process has been that if this is the course that I am meant to embark on, then the means to do so will come to me. The means haven’t come through, and so I must consider that maybe this is not the precise course upon which I am meant to embark.
Yes, the deadline hasn’t yet arrived, and especially with loans Oxford is still an immediate option. But this isn’t the vision I had when I first felt compelled to apply, and my life journey over the last year has also contained some other shifts…
4. A young man named Alex Coyle
A year ago, I started dating a forensics competitor from Tallahassee Community College. To be completely honest, I wasn’t really expecting anything long term; but over the course of the last year, our relationship has grown into one of the healthiest and most mutually supportive relationships I could imagine being in. For the first time in my life, I am with someone with whom I believe I could build a life with.
Of course, my going to Oxford now wouldn’t end our relationship, and I’m not naïve enough to make a major life decision because of some cute guy I’m seeing. However, spending another two years together will lead to a clearer picture of our relationship and our future as well as lay a far stronger foundation for maintaining our relationship while we go to different grad schools.
I also have to admit that the thought of being so far apart contributes to another reason for this decision…
5. My enthusiasm and excitement about attending Oxford for my undergrad has waned
I’ve tried to enumerate the logical, rational reasons for this, and I have several theories, but ultimately it is the product that really matters: I’m just not that enthused about it anymore.
Maybe it’s the consideration of all the reasons listed above; maybe it’s the fact that the intensity of the academic program would minimize my own independent studying opportunities, or the fact that I can learn the same information anywhere; maybe it’s just because I’m not ready to totally grow up, and excelling at Oxford requires a degree of dedication and maturity I’d rather put off for another two years; maybe Spirit is just pulling me in a different direction, having taught me the lessons I needed to learn and now directing me towards what truly is the best possible path. Maybe it’s all of these things. Maybe it’s none. All I know, is that I no longer feel compelled towards Oxford. Not just yet.
YES. I still want to go there (for grad/post-grad). YES, I still highly respect and admire the institution. But I don’t want to live today by what I thought and felt yesterday. If I truly believe in listening to the still small voice within, if I truly believe in listening to intuition and to our hearts, if I truly believe in these things, then it only makes sense to listen to what my heart is saying now – not what it said six months ago.
“A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. With consistency a great soul has simply nothing to do. He may as well concern himself with his shadow on the wall. Speak what you think now in hard words and to-morrow speak what to-morrow thinks in hard words again, though it contradict every thing you said to-day. –“Ah, so you shall be sure to be misunderstood.” – Is it so bad then to be misunderstood? Pythagoras was misunderstood, and Socrates, and Jesus, and Luther, and Copernicus, and Galileo, and Newton, and every pure and wise spirit that ever took flesh. To be great is to be misunderstood.”
- Ralph Waldo Emerson, “Self-Reliance”
